Why? — Unlikely Hero

Oct 19

Oct 19 Why?

Rewind to 5 days ago. It was Monday morning and I was sitting in my office in a meeting when I heard a knock on the door. I got up and opened the door, and a colleague and friend was on the other side. She said she needed to talk with me about something personal. She was visibly upset. The first thought that came to mind was that she had found another position and was leaving. A bit of panic set in because she was really great in her role and it would be such a big loss to the hospital if she left. My colleague who I was meeting with was insightful enough to understand that this interruption was important, and she graciously stepped out of the office so I could have a private conversation. What I heard in the next few minutes left me speechless. She didn’t stop by to let me know she was leaving. She stopped by to share the news that a mutual friend had passed away. What was heartbreaking was that this lovely woman whom we both admired and cared about had completed suicide.

Rewind to 2 years ago. I was the new CFO for Chester County Hospital in West Chester, PA, and I was invited to sit on the board of a local non-profit organization that was doing important work in the community. I was also invited to be a member of the finance & audit committee. I was still learning about the hospital and community, and really appreciated getting to know the management team through my involvement on the board. A few months after joining that board, I found out that I was nominated for a prestigious CFO recognition in the Philadelphia region. I was very surprised, because I was still so new to the area. As the day for the recognition event drew near, I wanted to recognize and honor the person who was kind enough to nominate me for this honor. The hospital had sponsored a table for the dinner event and I wanted to include him or her. So I set out to find out who it was, and it turned out that it was the finance director at this non-profit organization where I was serving on the board and the finance & audit committee. When I reached out to thank her and invite her to be my guest at the event, she was surprised. She had wanted to remain anonymous. She was the type who liked to remain in the background. She worked hard and was making a difference every day, but she didn’t aspire to be in the spotlight. She was perfectly contented being the one who would lift others up while herself remaining in anonymity. She graciously accepted my invitation and attended the event. When I thought I was too new to be on anyone’s radar in this new town, she recognized me. She took the time to submit a nomination to acknowledge me. She thought I was worth it.

In July, I assumed the responsibility of chairing the finance & audit committee for the organization. This meant that over the past 3 months I got the opportunity to work even more closely with this hardworking, dedicated and caring woman who gave me the gift of recognition. It was truly my pleasure.

This afternoon I entered the funeral home, walked past the beautiful pictures of happier times displayed, and looked into the grieving eyes of loving parents whose daughter was gone. As I looked around the room full of grieving family members, coworkers and friends, I am sure we all had the same nagging question in the back of our minds. Why?

Rewind to 7 years ago. It was 2012 and my daughter Alexia was a junior in high school and sat through a presentation by an organization called I Need a Lighthouse that talked about depression, suicide awareness and prevention. She had lost a friend to suicide her freshman year, and she decided to partner with I Need Lighthouse to promote suicide awareness and prevention in her high school as her Girl Scout Gold Award project. She planned an event called “Mob with a Cause” that she promoted on the radio and throughout the community to draw young people from across Virginia Beach to participate and learn more about depression and suicide prevention. She also started a psychology club at her high school and was able to bring in experts who helped educate the high school community about this heartbreaking epidemic. Her motivation was to do everything she could to reduce the stigma and promote healthy dialogue around mental health and preventing self-harm. If she could save even one precious life through this campaign, then it would all be worth it. Looking back at the ambitious and courageous vision of this teenager, I am so very proud and truly hope that it made a difference. Maybe there is a soul who is here today because she cared enough to do something.

There are some questions we won’t have the answer to this side of heaven. In these moments of hurt and confusion, I am grateful for my faith where I find hope and comfort. Depression is a valid illness and mental health is complicated. No one is immune. If you are in a good place right now, that’s a wonderful blessing. Continue to be a friend and support to those in your network, and consider supporting one of the organizations below or others that are providing help for our friends and family who are suffering, silently and alone. As we work together to recognize that depression is a true illness and remove the stigma around mental health, we are changing the world and saving lives.

On this journey called life, we may sometimes get knocked down so hard that we just can’t find the strength on our own to get back up. We may feel that we are alone, and the world is better off without us. We may be weary, tired of it all. My friend, you are not alone. Talk with a trusted friend, family member, teacher, pastor or doctor. You are not so lost that you can never be found. You are not so broken that you can never be made whole. You are not so sinful that you can never be redeemed. You are not so tarnished that you can never be valuable. You are not so unlovely that you cannot be loved. You are worthy. You are precious. You are beautiful. You matter. You will have an inspiring story to tell, a great testimony, when you grab hold of a lifeline and keep fighting. Who knows, your comeback story might save someone else’s life. You might be that unlikely hero. Click on the links below for some resources, or call this number for support 1-800-273-8255.

https://www.ineedalighthouse.org/

https://fireflyoutreach.com/resources/

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/

This post is dedicated to the family and friends of T.G. May she rest in peace.