Hard love
“There’s a reason that the road is long. It takes some time to make your courage strong.”
In June 2017, 2 weeks after graduation from high school, my youngest daughter Julia at age 17 went off to Basic Cadet Training (aka bootcamp) at the United States Air Force Academy. I am so very proud of the choices my children made to serve our country, but I have to admit that it’s hard for me. The Academy is not like other colleges. Once they show up for “I” Day (Inprocessing), it is as if they step across an invisible line that takes them from being your child to being an independent, self-sufficient adult. One step. And life is forever changed. There is no gradually easing into the transition. You don’t get to drop them off at the dorm, help them set up their room, meet their roommate, and talk about them coming home on the next long weekend. Your Basic Cadet hugs you under the tent at Doolittle Hall, and when she turns and takes her first step towards the building, she steps into her new independent life. It would be several weeks before I would hear from her. I started to imagine getting that first letter and I wondered if she would be like Alexia and “sugar coat” what was happening so I wouldn’t worry, or if she would be more like David who wrote exactly what was going on (no sugar coating in those letters). This was my third time saying goodbye under the tent at Doolitle Hall. I knew what to expect (unlike the first time, 4 years earlier when I did the same thing with Alexia). I thought I was ready. I was not ready.
I comforted myself with the reminder that Julia was strong. She was ready for this. I had just moved to Pennsylvania so I had some distractions getting used to a new town and new job. I would listen to the radio on my way to and from work and found comfort in my favorite syndicated radio station, Klove. When Needtobtreathe’s song “Hard Love” came on the radio, it was as if I was hearing it for the first time. I immediately linked that song to Julia’s experience, and couldn’t wait to write my daily letter to her, dedicating the song to her and letting her know that I thought this song was her song. (Julia LOVES Klove, and the station played 24/7 in her room at home, including while she slept. I wondered if she missed it, but realized that she was probably too exhausted at night to have time to miss it).
On July 4, I got the surprise of my life. I was home moping around, and the phone rang. It was Julia. What!?!?? I couldn’t believe it. This was a first. She told me this was a “morale” call. Then she shared the news. She was hurt. She sprained her ankle. She was in a lot of pain. Bootcamp was hard; it just got a whole lot harder for Julia. I tried to hold it together. I had to be strong for her. I encouraged her on the phone. She sounded tired, and in pain, but determined. She said, “Mom, I want to be here. I don’t want them to send me home.” That’s when the severity of the situation hit me. If there was a threat of her being sent home, then this was not just a minor sprain. It was serious. Bootcamp just got a whole lot harder for me.
Over the next several weeks, Julia struggled through boot camp “on one leg”. She used crutches when she could, until they rubbed her armpits raw and she was bleeding through her PT shirts. She was in a wheel chair for a while. She got a knee scooter. She had a boot on her hurt ankle. She was determined to make it through bootcamp, and even when she was in pain, she pushed through activities, not letting on how hard it was. When the pain was too much and she physically couldn’t participate, she would still show up and cheer her squadmates on. She compensated for her physical debility by studying extra hard and representing her squad in knowledge challenges. I learned more about the experience after the fact. She made it through bootcamp by sheer determination and the grace of God. All summer long, every time I heard the song “Hard Love” on the radio, I would think of Julia. I was convinced, this was her theme song. In August, we went to Colorado Springs for “A” day (Acceptance day is the ceremony where the new cadets are officially accepted into the cadet wing and start their Freshman year of college). We were in the car, listening to the radio, and “Hard Love” came on. I said, “Julia, this is your theme song!” We talked about how every time I heard the song I would be overcome with emotion as I thought about her and the storm she was going through. Julia said to me, “Mom, this is actually your theme song.” Huh. I hadn’t thought of that. But she was right. It was my theme song for that season, and still one of my all-time favorite songs. I was facing challenges of my own, and the song reminded me that life will sometimes feel like we are in a fight against darkness incarnate, but we shouldn’t give up. We are stronger than we think. The fight makes us stronger. When life seems especially hard and difficult time lasts longer than we want them to, there is a reason for it. When we are in the fire, we are burning our old selves away. In the struggle we are building our character. We are finding ourselves, and finding the Source of our strength. By the grace of God, we overcome.
Listen to Hard Love on YouTube
