Follow the Leader, Part 2

Jul 4

Jul 4 Follow the Leader, Part 2

“True leadership must be for the benefit of the followers, not to enrich the leader.” -John Maxwell

Our puppy, Purpose, follows me around the house with unconditional adoration. She is a devoted follower. There is no leadership without followership. At some point in our lives we are going to be following someone else. We don’t always get to pick who will be our leaders. Many of us can readily remember leaders who inspired us to be our best selves; we can also recall with a shudder the leaders who drove us to vow “I will never be like that when I become a leader”. If you have seen the movie Devil Wears Prada, you may have felt pity for Ann Hathaway as she suffered under the hand of her ruthless, self-absorbed leader. And like me, you may have thought to yourself, no one is like that in real life, right? Truth is, there are real life leaders who are much worse and are causing real life damage and hurt that has real consequences in the short and long term.

For those of us who have been struggling under toxic leadership, here’s my advice: First and foremost, know that you deserve better. You are not to blame for someone else’s poor behavior. If you can recognize toxic leadership, that is a good sign. It means you have not been numbed to this unacceptable situation. Don’t make excuses for poor leadership, or poor behavior in general, even if it makes you unpopular or goes against the thinking of your “tribe” (the group you identify with). Recognize it for what it is and call it out (in the appropriate manner based on your circumstance). It takes courage to stay true to yourself and what you know deep down is right. It takes courage to speak truth to power. Don’t buy into the falsehood that if the leader is “getting results” then his or her behavior can be overlooked and may be even acceptable. If we are not careful, we become what we see.

Remind yourself of what goodness and decency looks like and do everything in your power not to imitate the behaviors of the toxic leader. If you are stuck in that environment, do the best you can not be discouraged by it or sucked into it. Keep your eyes fixed on what is true, good, admirable and praiseworthy in your world. Below are some recommendations on some books you can read by leaders or about leadership that will help remind you of what normal and good looks like. You can use this situation as the fuel to power your own empowerment and development.

Celebrate the positive role models and good leaders in your life: your parents, sibling, co-worker, pastor, coach, teacher, boss, friend. Let them know the positive difference they are making in your life. It is always a good time to offer a word of appreciation and encouragement.

Closing thoughts: The history books are full of proof that toxic leadership is not a new phenomenon and has destructive consequences. We have to remind ourselves that we can do better as a society. In the same way that we promote anti-bullying campaigns in schools and encourage our kids to stand up to bullies, we have to take a stand against adult bullies no matter what their title might be. Think about the message we send to our young people when we tell them that we don’t condone bullying, yet they see us making excuses for the adult bullies in our lives. Let’s use whatever influence or power we have to create a reality where our kids will be proud of the choices we make and the stances we take to protect our future and theirs.