Have you ever been in a situation when you think you are there to encourage someone and it turns out that they end up encouraging you? That happened to me when my son David was in Basic Cadet Training (aka bootcamp) at USAFA. After learning about the boot camp experience from our oldest daughter Alexia, I felt like I had a pretty good understanding of what David would face when he was there. I knew that it would be important to send David letters of encouragement, reminding him that he could make it, that the experience would not last forever, and that we were here rooting for him. This was a season that would pass and there would be better days ahead. As I look back on my letter writing activities when the kids were in boot camp and that was the only means of communication available, I realize that as much as I believed that getting letters from me would help them through this difficult experience the letter writing was actually a therapeutic exercise for me.   I needed to write (and boy, did I write.  The mail carrier said to me one day, “If I had a nickel for every piece of mail I have picked up going to the Air Force Academy I would be rich!”).  Writing to them helped me cope with the tremendous change of transitioning from being a decision maker and caretaker who was in the game with them, to being a cheerleader and supporter on the sidelines.   

I would eagerly race to the mailbox every day hoping for a letter from USAFA CO 80841.  When I got one, it was like Christmas and my birthday all rolled up in one.  One letter that was particularly memorable was from David. It was his first letter home. He spent the first couple paragraphs talking about the experience. He did not sugar coat how tough it was. Then he said, “but I have realized that it is all about perspective.” He had my attention. Here he was in the most difficult experience of his young life, and he had the clarity to write about perspective. He understood that we may not be able to change our situation, but we can change how we look at it and that makes all the difference in the world. As he described how he was keeping everything he was experiencing in perspective, I got an unexpected lesson. I realized that I needed to keep things in perspective regarding the choices and experiences of my children, and my own reaction, as well as my own choices.    

 When we find ourselves in situations that challenge us, we need to find a way to change the angle at which we are viewing things.  We might need the help of someone we trust to talk it through with us and help us shift our viewing angle.  It took a shift in my viewing angle to realize that letter writing was more to help me than it was to help my cadets.  It took David shifting his viewing angle to realize that bootcamp would not kill him but make him stronger.   Having the right perspective can be the difference between quitting and persevering, resentfulness and gratitude, or even hating and loving.  I am grateful to David for helping me realize the importance of perspective.