Punched in the gut.  That’s how I felt.  I walked away from an encounter with someone I trusted feeling betrayed, crushed, humiliated, stunned, confused, hurt…an emotional punch in the gut.  This, I have come to accept and remember, is part of the human experience.  We have such joy and love and beauty surrounding us.  But sometimes there is darkness and heartache and despair.

This is what I have to remember in times of challenge:

• I have people in my life who truly see me for who I am, and love me.  (If you are reading this and you have to pause to consider if that is true for you, then let me remind you that I love you and God loves you. You are loved more than you know.)

• Who other people say you are does not override who you know you are.  You are valuable and wonderful.

• Forgive.  I am listing this last, because it is the most important. You must forgive.  Not because they deserve it, but because you benefit from it.  I have heard it said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  When you forgive, you free yourself from this poison that will kill you.  You give your power away when you hold on to anger and hurt.  Hold on to your power instead by forgiving. 

  Forgiving someone does not take the pain away.  Give yourself time to heal.  It might be hard to forget, but know that time will soften the impact and you will heal eventually.  The healing begins when you forgive.

During this crisis my daughter Alexia stayed on the phone with me while I cried, sitting alone in my car in a random parking lot.  I know her heart was breaking for me but she whispered words of comfort and support.  My loving husband Tex picked me up and took me to lunch at my favorite Pho restaurant.  My son David sent me a text that read “Hello mommy, I just wanted to send love your way.  You are so nice and awesome and you care soooo much about not only what you do but the people you do it with and the people affected by what you do.  I know the devil’s got a plan to try and derail you but it doesn’t matter because I’m even more sure that God’s plan is greater and the only one that matters.  I love you soooooo much.”  My daughter Julia called to tell me how proud she was of me.  She reminded me that I worked hard and made many sacrifices to get where I was, and I was doing the tough work of changing the world so that it can be a better place for her and her children and her grandchildren.  Dear Christabel sent me a text saying she heard I was having a rough time and she wanted to share the verse of the day from her morning devotion from 2 Corinthians 12, 9-10 where Paul reminds us that God’s grace is sufficient for us and His grace is made perfect in our weakness…in insults, hardships, difficulties; when we are weak, we are strong in His power.  Her text ended with “This verse reminds me of you, I hope you feel encouraged!!! Every day I thank God for putting you and the Rochesters in my life; thank you for being such a great mom”.

I was knocked down. But love reached down to help me. Love rescued me.

And so now I get up.  Dust my pants off.  Wipe the tears from my eyes.  Lift my chin. Stand tall. And step courageously back into the ring.  I have work to do.